Wednesday, April 13, 2011

Warning - Directions in Middle Age.

Well, I was warned! As you get older everything goes south. What they forgot to mention was that in my case it would go east and west as well.

How does it happen that one day your clothes fit comfortably. You take them off and wash them and.... oops, did you put them on a hot wash and they shrank? No, overnight it seems, all your clothes are too tight.

I'd love to be a bear, I could eat all summer, stuff myself silly if I want, in fact it's recommended.. Then I could lie down, nap for 6 months and wake up nice and slim, just to repeat the whole process again. In addition to this hairy legs are the accepted norm. No hours wasted defuzzing every few days

I seem to be the opposite, summer comes, lovely warm weather. I get lots of exercise, fresh fruit and vegetables and the weight disappears, well some of it. Then the evenings get shorter, and to an extent I hibernate, unfortunately in my case this means, evenings by the fire and comfort food. Not a good idea.

Recently, I have spent my summers in Turkey. This was wonderful, loads of fresh fruit. Then I made friends. Turkish women love to cook and love to share what they have made. They remind me of cats sometimes. You open your door and there is a plate of food waiting for you, just like our cat presents us with a dead mouse or bird on our doorstep. To resist is impossible. They do not understand "I'm full" If you don't eat it, they assume you don't like it, and I don't like to offend.

This has led to my sorry state, in addition to the fact I suffer from the opposite of anorexia. When I look in the mirror I think I look fine (The trick is not to stand sideways). Then I see a photo of myself and I wonder "Oh my God, what happened there, there must be something wrong with the camera!" In the last few weeks my clothes have been getting tight, downright uncomfortable. Time to do something about it. I can't afford new clothes in addition to my holiday.

A friend recommended a lady who lives locally. She used to be a gym instructor and now for a small fee works as a personal trainer. I thought it was only the stars that had personal trainers. No problem, I'm a drama queen so I should fit right in.

When my daughters heard what I was up to, they wanted to join in. The Battle of the Bulge is on. Julie came to the house, we were weighed and measured. I'm heavier than I was the day before I gave birth to full term twins.

Julie had to stand on a chair to measure the girls. But believe me, she may be small, but today she frogmarched me up a hill and back down, and then gave me an exercise routine tailor-made for my creaking body.  I was put through my paces, albeit gently.

There was a lot of giggling from me when I was supposed to do squats. Push your bum out, keep your thighs straight, knees not to extend over feet. Three instructions in one sentence........a lot to process, let alone accomplish.

Then I was told to stop. She didn't like the way my knees were creaking. I have now to add cod liver oil to my purchases! My body is not the only thing that needs toning, the brain needs some exercise too.

The bad news is I'm off to Turkey on Saturday, for two weeks. Will I be strong enough to resist temptation - in the form of my neighbours. Time will tell. In the meantime I know there will be a little lady with her scales and measuring tape waiting for me when I get home! Watch this space!


  1. I love this post. And French women do get fat too. Every now I then I have a panic attack on my scale. You are right, it is something to do with ageing!!!

  2. We are sisters for sure. You could have written this about me. :D Love this post!
    ~cath xo

  3. Love this post! Told with your singular humor and self-denigrating style. How I can relate.

    Last year, I went on a diet and took off 25 pounds. Felt great. Everyone said I looked awful, my niece told me that, "I'd shrunk myself." My face sagged and had a bunch of new wrinkles. My doctor who'd nagged me about being overweight, wanted to run tests because now I was underweight and anaemic. Oh well. Then life fell apart, started to eat sweets - lots of them, moved to a place where I have to drive rather than walk everywhere, and now the weight is back on. Big tummy, tight clothes, and people say I look good again. Can't win, can we?


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